Still counting down to "real" warm weather in this part of the country (countdown to last forecast of frost!) and hoping to do a better job with my garden this year. I've had lots of interest from my little helpers so far...
Enjoyed the long weekend and tried to catch up with some house stuff during a couple days of rain. At the same time, I was mentally prepping for a talk I had to give at a local service organization's monthly meeting last night. I have to say, I feel like I rambled on like a bit of a fool, being the "writer, not a speaker" to the ultimate degree. However, at such times I have learned to merely try to go in with an open heart and good intentions, and try not to be too hard on myself afterwards (even when I woke up multiple times in the night reviewing my performance). This morning I discussed with a friend the fact that horticulture probably would have been a more suitable field of study for me - a realization that has come 20 years too late! It is ironic to have returned to my farm during middle age, and try to learn the skills that were right in front of me during all those years growing up next door to my grandparents, who looked after our magnificent garden. My grandmother's family had even operated a market garden in Lethbridge when she was a girl. Missed opportunities.
For now, I am working in my small hometown in a job that allows me to try to make improvements in the community, hence meetings such as yesterday's, in which my small office tries to reach out and make necessary partnerships for community enhancement. It is an interesting position to be in, having felt like a bit of an outsider even while growing up here; how much more now, after moving away for 23 years? This week marked my 2-year anniversary in the office and it feels like progress has been slow on all fronts. At the same time, this week also marks my official notification that my debts have been paid in full, after 5 years of a heavy repayment schedule. I should be jumping up and down, but I mostly just feel tired, and painfully aware of the many home improvements needed with increasing urgency: hot water heater; siding; dubious plumbing; inaccessible closets... Have I become a negative person? Or have I always been one? Have we ever discussed the added challenge of trying to manifest good things while constantly battling anxiety and depression? Perhaps my new found debt freedom will help me find the flexibility to better take care of my highly sensitive personality? One can hope. Since reading the awesome "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" by David R. Hawkins, M.D., life has seemed more chaotic than ever; in an attempt to stay on course, I followed up with "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beckand am now referring back to my old favourite "Science of Mind" by Ernest Holmes. I am also binging on netflix, and having finished the somewhat somber Downton Abbey, have consciously switched to lighter fare, with The Mindy Project. :)
So what's the point? Maybe just a reminder to keep going... This journey has its ups and downs, and wouldn't it be boring if it didn't? Keep going back to books by the experts; sometimes it just takes a while to sink in. ;)
For now, I am working in my small hometown in a job that allows me to try to make improvements in the community, hence meetings such as yesterday's, in which my small office tries to reach out and make necessary partnerships for community enhancement. It is an interesting position to be in, having felt like a bit of an outsider even while growing up here; how much more now, after moving away for 23 years? This week marked my 2-year anniversary in the office and it feels like progress has been slow on all fronts. At the same time, this week also marks my official notification that my debts have been paid in full, after 5 years of a heavy repayment schedule. I should be jumping up and down, but I mostly just feel tired, and painfully aware of the many home improvements needed with increasing urgency: hot water heater; siding; dubious plumbing; inaccessible closets... Have I become a negative person? Or have I always been one? Have we ever discussed the added challenge of trying to manifest good things while constantly battling anxiety and depression? Perhaps my new found debt freedom will help me find the flexibility to better take care of my highly sensitive personality? One can hope. Since reading the awesome "Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender" by David R. Hawkins, M.D., life has seemed more chaotic than ever; in an attempt to stay on course, I followed up with "The Joy Diet" by Martha Beckand am now referring back to my old favourite "Science of Mind" by Ernest Holmes. I am also binging on netflix, and having finished the somewhat somber Downton Abbey, have consciously switched to lighter fare, with The Mindy Project. :)
So what's the point? Maybe just a reminder to keep going... This journey has its ups and downs, and wouldn't it be boring if it didn't? Keep going back to books by the experts; sometimes it just takes a while to sink in. ;)
RSS Feed
